So, I am Sorry

 

Do you want me to guide you
On the roads trodden, sometime paved by me, in the ancient past?
And you want me to do it,
For the sake of you being able to balance yourself on your way?
And that too after i came to know that all it ends in, is an illusion of satisfaction, a mirage of being successful?
And not the real success, which lies in the truth lying naked in our hearts,
And not the satisfaction which sublimes in the closed eyes.

And you want me to suffocate in the air that i inhale? With the thought of being corrupt in my own definitions, as they hold today?

Knowing well that i am capable of
Making you a master of the techniques you practice
I hereby submit myself to my self,

And not to the aura of 'belief' of being better..

Do.. or Die...

I have the medicine to 'save' myself,
But i don't want to be corrupt (to live)

How long can i save myself
                from being corrupt
       And allow others to hurt me.?


Or am i finally destined to 'save' myself ??

Dont's and Do's; In Search of Myself...

Do not remind me of all those dark moments that came my way in life

When I couldn’t tell whether what lay in my path was a mountain or a valley

Don’t show me any of those wounds that you are carrying with you

Whose depths will never allow me to even try to cross over the gorges they created

Don’t take me to any of those moments of helplessness wherever they are

That bring tears to my eyes whenever I return to them or they come back to me

Don’t show me any of those destinations that I once longed to reach

That wait eagerly for me today while I have turned my back towards them

Don’t talk to me about those boundaries that life confined me into all along

That bind my feet in chains and don’t allow me to move ahead, in fact anywhere

Don’t read out to me those lines of destiny

That make me wonder how life can be so harsh to anyone after all

If you can, please help me gather all those beautiful moments

That bring happiness with them whenever they come back to me

Show me all those smiles that people brought to me and I brought to them

Take me back to all the moments when life treated me like a princess

Turn with me to all those horizons where sunrises and sunsets came together

Look up with me into the heart of the sky, to thank the twinkling stars

But for whom, I could have lost my way in the darkness of the night so easily

Hold with me, the falling raindrops that wash away uncertainty with them

Walk with me on the banks of those rivers that carry life and conviction with them

Let me hold the hand of the person who loves me more than I do

Who held my hand in the toughest of times

Who stood between me and all those people, moments and memories that hurt me

Help me find the right words to thank him from the core of my heart

Remind me of those successes of my life which I couldn’t have lived without

That lie over and above the failures that at the most only frustrate me

Lend me for a moment the lamp that will help me read the

Tenderness with which the Divinity has written my Destiny after all

Saddled with the burden of unsung achievements and unfulfilled dreams

I tell myself as I begin a new journey, towards a new life

In search of happiness, in search of peace, in search of a horizon ,

In search of myself….

In Search of Humanity...or Divinity.. ??

For miles around I see no ray of light

For centuries ahead there seems to be no hope of a change

For generations beyond, I see humanity losing every battle it fights

On millions of faces I meet, I yearn to see a smile

For scores of hearts wounded by pain, I see no justice in store

For all the eyes blinded by tears of anguish

I see neither a caring soul, nor better times to wipe them

For all the hands bound by deep, deeper and deepest bruises

I see no soothing hand coming from anywhere for a healing touch

For all the warriors wounded in the tracks of life

I see neither a beginning coming, nor a ground where they can rest

For all the emotions hurt in the journey of relations

I see no hope of a heart that finally understands them

For all the birds flying in the skies endlessly, yet aimlessly

I see no destination in sight they can call their own

For all the waves gushing out of the heart of the mighty ocean

That have no choice but to retreat from the mightier shores

I see no shore that will allow them to stay there even for an extended moment

For all the moments lost without fulfilling any purpose

I see no way in which they will restore meaning to their existence or history

For all the horizons that go un-noticed,

I don’t see how they will ever make any difference to anyone

For all the raindrops that fail to penetrate into the depths of the soil

I see nowhere they can go, except return to where they started from

For all the dreams that lived and died in blurring sight of failing vision

I see no heart they can seek refuge in the hope of a revival

For all lives spent in brightening the corner where they are,

I see these corners not getting any brighter, but these lives

Getting darker with every passing moment

And for all these broken and tired souls, injured for being human

I don’t see even the Divinity shed a tear over their cruel Destinies

26th August

Its not always the darkness of the night when you don’t see sunshine around

It may be the dark black clouds that know well that they can never quite win the sky

But still don’t give up and stubbornly stand between 

The shelters of the Heavens and eyes that seek its grace

Its not always a surrender when a river meanders around the obstacles in its way

It may be the humility of the river to river to accept opposition with respect

And its kindness not to destroy anything and everything that challenges it

Its not always a failure when you don’t succeed in life

While success tells you what works, failures tell you what doesn’t

Its not always the end of the road when you don’t reach your chosen destination

Where the road you tread ends without taking you home, the road chosen for you begins

Where there is life on the other side of the horizon

Its not always that the grass is greener on the other side

It may be the yellow glasses on your eyes that makes the grass on your side of life look less green

Its not always that all people desert you in tough times to fight alone

It may be your eyes that look only for faces that have disappeared

And refuse to see those who continue to stand by you, more than ever before

Its not always that tears are shed only in times of ultimate unhappiness

Tears are shared equally by good and bad moments

Its not always that life is difficult per-se

It may be your memory that fails you in remembering the brighter moments of life

Or your uncourteous heart that doesn’t value good memories enough

Its not always that destiny is mercilessly cruel to you

It may be that you are getting in return form the world, the unhappiness you gave it

Its not always that birds are not seen where they belong to

It may be that you too were at home when they returned to theirs

Its not always that life takes away from you what you wanted most in life

It may be that what remains with you is what you cant live without

Its not always that you are unhappy when you are not happy

It may be that you are introspecting to find answers

To questions that make you restless and whose answers make you peaceful

Its not always that its only the Divinity that tests your grit

It may be your faith that sways in the winds of uncertainty when you need it to remain unmoved the most

On Independence Day

All days dawn with a specific purpose and certain promises
Whether explicit or implicit they are all invariably important
The importance of some days is known to us of others is not
Today is a subject of the category of importance
The subject matter of unique and unparalleled days
Presumably a very special day for a vast measure of humanity
Spread over twenty four hours celebrated by a whole nation
Perhaps by more

The day that marked the stepping out of a great nation
From the chains of hostility and suppression
And came alive with a whole new wave of hope and enthusiasm
To establish its own identity within itself and equally outside
It promised so much and achieved so much of it as well
A historical moment defined a little over half a century ago
In the history of mankind
Came into existence a nation that scripted its history
On the canvas of peace with the ink of peace

The direction in which it forged ahead was engineered by
Men who re-wrote its history and altered its destiny
They were rare men of substance
They were symbols of patience, pride, endurance and patriotism
Who showed that men are not always and necessarily selfish
Who in the past didn’t and still don’t hesitate
To give the supreme sacrifice of their lives for the nation
They who will be remembered as men who defined humanity
Whose calibre places them above all other human beings.
To even talk of them and their deeds
You need a qualification - a certain degree of Indian-ness

I probably need a mirror for others to read my mind
And the world needs the earth’s memory to take it all
That day has dawned again today
Bringing with it a few rare and precious moments of joy
I don’t know how to celebrate it
And I am sure I will spend most of it
Wondering how to steal these priceless moments from the grasp
of time
I am too happy to live and see the dawn of
Another Independence Day.

What A Dreamer's Heart Speaks ??

It’s a moment of a lifetime that defines my world

It’s a moment I can barely believe has dawned on my horizon

A moment of ultimate happiness, unparalleled, immeasurable

A moment of solemn bliss, with no desires and aspirations on the other side

It’s a moment when a destination so beautiful

Has come my way in the journey of my life

A moment when the dream of my lifetime has turned into reality

It’s a dream I am too overwhelmed to even admit

I don’t know when, where and why did this dream originate

I don’t know how did I dare to dream of it

I don’t know when it became a cause to live, a reason to smile for me

I don’t know how did it became a destination

I would learn to dream of reaching with all of my life’s conviction

I didn’t realize when this dream became inseparable from my life, from me

A dream that turned silence into music, pain into beauty

Helplessness into horizons, nothing into everything

A dream that nothing within me, nothing beyond me

Can stop me from dreaming of

I don’t know why this dream honoured me by choosing my eyes to live in

But I know what life would have been without it

It’s a moment where life began and a moment where I wish

Life came to a standstill

For an entire lifetime seems too short to live this moment

It’s a moment I owe to you

Thereafter it will be a life that I owe to you

It’s a moment where life has brought me to a crossroad

A crossroad where I wish to stop in my tracks for the rest of the journey

There are as many directions in which roads seem to set out from here

And for having given me the happiness of taking the last few steps towards it with you

I wish to measure my indebtedness to you

By letting you choose whichever road you wish to take

And assure you that whenever you choose to return to here

From wherever you choose to return to here

You will find me waiting for you at this very crossroad, at this very moment

It's a treasure you have given me that even my God would have found difficult to scribble in my destiny ….